


swaying as the room burned down (hold you as the water rushes in)

by lucylikestowrite



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, But the idea is that is almost plays out like a finale ep for s3, F/F, Pining, exploring a theory where the time bureau is part of mallus's plan, plotting actual like. storylines is not my forte so please forgive me, so i wrote that, which is a theory i like as long as ava isn't part of it and it makes her join the waverider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-02 19:11:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13324653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucylikestowrite/pseuds/lucylikestowrite
Summary: Ava sighs, wishing there was anywhere, else she could go that was safe, anywhere in the world that meant she wouldn't have to face Sara, and then opens a portal to the Waverider, bag in hand.The bridge is full when she arrives, and within seconds, there are seven weapons of various kinds pointed at her head. It’s not surprising. There’s no way of telling how long they’ve known about the Time Bureau. It could’ve been minutes, or it could’ve been days.She drops the bag. It hits the ground with a soft thud, and her hands go slowly to her head.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i SWEAR i did not mean to use another dwoht lyric as the title it just HAPPENED okay.

The day the Time Bureau falls starts like any other day. Ava wakes up at five, goes for a run, and arrives home exactly 45 minutes later to shower.

There is no ominous feeling when she steps under the water, no sign that the rug is about to be pulled out from under her feet, that everything she knows is going to fall apart in fifteen minutes.

So there is no reason to feel anything but calm as she stands under the hot water.

Then she steps out, wrapping a towel around herself, absentmindedly picking up her phone on the way to brush her teeth, and on the screen is a single message from Rip.

_Time Bureau down. Get out while you can._

She stops, toothbrush halfway to her mouth, one hand still holding up her towel.

Water drips onto the floor.

Her first thought is that it’s a joke. But Rip doesn’t joke. And this line, the number that it’s from, is his emergency number, the one he never uses, the one that bounces the text through half a dozen firewalls before it’s delivered.

Two minutes later, she’s dressed. She can’t access any of her files. Even the ones stored on her personal hard drive, files that nobody should be able to access except her, are gone. Something is very, very wrong.

Of course, there’s nothing on the news specifically about the Time Bureau, because nobody knows about it, but as she skims her newsfeed, there’s a tiny piece about a small fire at a government office downtown.

There’s no mention of what the government office does, because no journalist would be able to find out, but Ava knows immediately what the article means. It means that the failsafe at the Bureau was tripped, that Rip has destroyed anything and everything relating to the work they’ve done since the Bureau was created, and it means that Ava really does need to get out, right now, because something terrible has to have happened, and they’ll be coming after anyone who knows anything.

She has a bag packed in less than five minutes. She’s always been ready to run, ready to leave if she had to. Her apartment, home for the past six years, hardly looks lived in. She’s had to leave homes behind before, and it’s easier if you don’t form any sort of attachment. An apartment is nothing more than walls and furniture.

But then, when she’s packed, she has to think about where she’s going to go. That’s the worst part, because, in the back of her mind, she knows that the second she read the message, she’d decided where she was going.

She sighs, wishing there was anywhere, else she could go that was safe, anywhere in the world that meant she wouldn't have to face Sara, and then opens a portal to the Waverider, bag in hand.

The bridge is full when she arrives, and within seconds, there are seven weapons of various kinds pointed at her head. It’s not surprising. There’s no way of telling how long they’ve known about the Time Bureau. It could’ve been minutes, or it could’ve been days.

She drops the bag. It hits the ground with a soft thud, and her hands go slowly to her head.

She can feel everyone’s eyes on her, but no-one more than Sara’s. She looks straight ahead, her jaw tight. She can’t bring herself to turn and see what Sara’s expression looks like.

And then Sara walks into her viewline, stopping a metre away, her gun still up, the chamber still pointed right at Ava.

Sara glances down quickly, her hand never wavering, even as she takes her eyes off Ava. “What’s that?” she asks, indicating with her boot at Ava’s bag.

“My bag,” Ava says, hardly breathing.

“I can see that,” Sara says, her expression hard. “Why?”

“I assume you know why,” Ava says, her eyes flicking around the room, at the other members of the crew. Their expressions match that of Sara. They all look willing to use their weapons if they have to. “I had to get out. The Time Bureau is… no more.”

“Yeah, because it was part of Mallus’s plan all along,” Sara says, her voice laced with venom, and Ava has to stop herself from reacting. “You were all just a bunch of puppets.”

This time, Ava can’t stop her mouth from falling open.

Sara’s eyes narrow. Her expression shifts, ever so slightly, her gaze flicking over Ava’s face.

Ava takes a breath, her mouth dry, her mind spinning. Sara has no reason to lie, but Ava doesn’t want to believe what she’s just heard.

“You didn’t know?” Sara asks, her tone wary, her eyebrows still furrowed. Her lips are pursed.

Ava drags her eyes away from Sara’s mouth, back to Sara’s eyes. It almost hurts to look at her. She still can’t anything. She shakes her head.

Sara’s gun lowers, slightly.

“She could be lying,” Ava hears someone say. She turns her head, finding Ray Palmer staring her down. He’s been holding a grudge against her since they’d first met.

There are various murmurs of agreement from around the room, but Ava is hardly listening. She’s replaying everything back in her head, trying to figure out how what she knows fits in with what Sara is suggesting.

She’s suggesting that everything Ava has known for the past six years has been a lie. That she’s been doing some dark force’s dirty work this whole time, and it’s so horrible it makes Ava want to break down. But she doesn’t, obviously - she stays exactly where she is, her hands still behind her head, her mouth hard, her back straight.

Sara is still staring at her, her expression unreadable. Then she jerks her gun at Ava, motioning for her to turn around. Ava tries not to flinch at the sudden movement, slowly rotating on her heel until she’s facing the library.

It’s not in her nature to be scared, but she’s never been able to read Sara, and for a split second she considers the possibility that she’s about to be shot. She can almost feel the bullet between her shoulder bones.

It’s almost a relief to feel Sara’s hands on hers, pulling them down from where they rest behind her neck, and yanking them down to the small of her back. Sara’s hands encircle Ava’s wrists, pulling with just enough pressure for it to be uncomfortable.

She hears Sara’s voice in her ears, her mouth closer than Ava had been expecting. “You try anything, I knock you out, and this gets a whole lot more painful for you.”

Ava nods. This seems to satisfy Sara because a second later, she’s pushing Ava forward, her knuckles digging into Ava’s back. Ava can’t look at the rest of the team as they walk out of the bridge, through the door that slides open for them.

Then they’re alone, and Ava could try to get out of Sara’s grip, but she has a feeling that Sara really wouldn’t hesitate to use the gun she was brandishing only a minute ago.

She could try to do a lot of things, but she doesn't.

Instead, she lets Sara guide her, lets herself be deposited in a cell that's all too familiar. All the fight has gone out of her. Half an got ago she thought something terrible had happened to the Bureau. Now, it would seem, the something terrible had been there all along, and she'd been a part of it.

Sara searches her. Ava feels like a criminal. She tries not to flinch as Sara’s hand reaches into her jacket pocket, pulling out Ava’s phone.

“You didn't bring a weapon. Smart.”

Ava doesn't acknowledge this. It is not said like a compliment.

When the door slides closed, when Ava is locked in, Sara turns on her, her eyes still hard.

“Passcode?” she asks, holding the phone up.

Ava has never told anyone the passcode to her phone. She changes it every week. The first rule of the Bureau is that privacy and security come above all else. Her instinctive reaction is to scoff, and then she stops, because the Bureau doesn’t exist anymore, and there is nobody enforcing the rules except herself.

So she tells Sara the password. There is nothing particularly private on that phone - Ava had learnt long ago that if she wanted to get personal, it would be on pen and paper, not anywhere that could be hacked, but she still winces as she sees Sara scrolling.

“You’ve got a text message from Rip,” Sara says.

“Yes. It’s how I knew to leave.”

Sara looks up, putting the phone in her pocket. Her arms cross.

“That doesn’t help your case. Rip knew everything. Mallus created the Time Bureau along with all the other anachronisms. Something about trying to try to destabilise time.” Sara’s gaze bore into Ava’s soul. She looks, not quite mad, but disappointed. It's worse. “It doesn’t look good that he told you to run. Makes you look like you were in on it. Looks real bad, actually, Ava. Hardly anyone knew.”

The use of her first name is a jolt.

Ava leans back against the wall, her eyes closed. She doesn’t know why Rip would get her out. She doesn’t know anything, and she hates it. Hates that there’s nothing she can say except, “I didn’t know anything.”

Sara scoffs. “You can see how that’s hard to believe, right? You were practically his second in command. We've got intel that at least five other high ranking members knew.”

Ava stands up, moving towards the glass at the front of the cell, and Sara takes an involuntary step back, a flash of… something crossing in front of her eyes, and Ava realises that Sara’s scared.

Of her.

And she collapses back down onto the bench set against the wall.

It makes sense. For all Sara knows, she’s a spy, she’s part of the plan, she’s part of whatever Mallus is doing. God, for all she knows, Ava has powers like his.

And she realises how much of a risk Sara took by not taking her out on the spot. She shifts, her back still tingling, still feeling vulnerable despite Sara’s gun being long gone.

She sighs, her head falling into her hands. She takes a moment, and then looks up at Sara through her fingers.

“I didn’t know about any of this. I promise.” She feels like a broken record, but that’s all she can say.

Sara sways, her arms still crossed across her body, but now it looks less like anger and more like she’s trying to hold herself together.

“We’ll see about that,” she says, and then she turns, and is gone, and Ava is alone. Again.

She’s never been one to suffer when left to her own devices - she thrives on her own. But she’s always known there was a team she could call for backup, an office that supported her, a boss that recognised her talents. It didn’t matter that she went home to an empty apartment, because she knew what her purpose was. And now that’s gone.

The day passes slower than it’s ever done. She’s not used to having nothing to do. She never has nothing to do. There’s not even any way of telling the time.

There’s just Ava, and a glass cell, and the harsh lights of the Waverider.

At some point, the lights dim, and Ava supposes that that’s the ships way of telling her it’s time to sleep. She’s not sure how they work out day and night when they’re in the middle of the time vortex, but, she’s grateful for the respite from the florescent lights in the cell.

She doesn’t sleep, though. It refuses to come. Her mind won’t stop racing, won’t stop picking through every single thing she ever did at the Time Bureau, through every single interaction she ever had with Rip. She doesn’t know he kept this from her.

And then she wonders why he never told her. She wishes he had, imagining that she could've got out of this mess before anything started, before she was invested. Before she had something to lose.

But, the more she thinks, the more she knows that, had Rip let her in on everything, she would’ve blindly followed him, trusting that he was doing the right thing.

And that's a hard pill to swallow.

He’d plucked her out of a dead end security job, taught her and trusted her and shaped her, and if he had told her to follow him, she would’ve.

And he must have known that. So why did he keep her in the dark?

She must spend the whole ‘night’ awake, because the lights go back up. She blinks, the bright light blinding her a little.

And then Sara appears, her eyes blazing, her mouth a hard line. Ava sits up, smoothing down her hair, her stomach dropping. She’s scared. That’s what she is. Ava is scared and she hates it.

“What’s wrong?”

“Did Rip tell you?” Sara asks, her voice angry.

“Tell me what?” Ava has no idea what Sara is talking about.

“About Gideon. That she would monitor your thoughts while you were asleep?” Sara’s voice is almost desperate. “Is that why you stayed awake the whole night? You were hoping you could wait it out and wear us down and we’d just believe you and let you out?”

“No. That's ridiculous, and you know it.” She stands up, this time ignoring Sara’s flinch, moving up to the front of the cell, where she can properly look Sara in the eye. “I couldn’t sleep, Sara. My whole life just got turned upside down. You told me that all my work for the past six years has been for nothing, and then just left me here.”

Sara’s gaze is still stony, and Ava, who hasn't shed a tear in years, can feel her ducts welling up. She doesn't know if it's sheer exhaustion, or something more. She turns away, tipping her head up, letting a breath out in one long sigh.

“Gideon can knock people out, right? Get her to do that. I just want to be out of this goddamn cell. Pry into my head. I don’t care anymore.”

She hears Sara sigh, say, “You heard the woman, Gideon,” and then it's like something is pulling her under, black waves descending on her.

She’s not entirely sure, but she thinks she hears the cell door open. Right before she blacks out entirely, she thinks feels arms catch her.

And then the world is dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand it's another Ava POV. Can't stop won't stop.
> 
> Once again, the other two chapters have been written, so no worries about this being left incomplete, but they need a bit f editing before they see the light of day.
> 
> This fic will involve some hand-wavey plotting. I have tried to resolve plot holes as I've created them, but I doubt I'll have been completely successful, so, pls just go with it okay lucy out xoxo


	2. Chapter 2

Ava wakes up to more bright lights. She's got a splitting headache, and her back aches. She stretches slightly, wincing as her body objects to the movement.

When she can force her eyes open, she realises that she's still in the cell, propped up on the bench at the back of the room. That doesn't bode well. If she's still in their cell, there's a reason.

She can see Sara standing a little way away, her outline fuzzy.

Then her eyes focus, and she realises that Sara's inside the cell, not outside of it, and this sparks a bit of hope inside her.

Sara sees her stirring, and her eyes find Ava’s. She still looks wary, but her expression is softer.

“You're in the clear,” Sara says, and she almost smiles. “Gideon couldn't find anything to suggest you knew about what Rip was doing.”

“I told you that,” Ava says, standing up, shaking the stiffness out of her body. She moves towards Sara, who, to her relief, no longer shies away. “Rip never did anything to suggest that there was anything other than official business going on.” She pauses, considering. “Or, at least, he never gave me any reason to suspect that official business was anything other than what I believed it to be,” she finishes.

She takes another step, and then pain flares across her temple. She stops, a hand going to her head, her features twisting.

Sara’s expression changes to one of guilt. “You might get those headaches for a while. Gideon had to go pretty deep to get through six years of memories.”

Ava tries not to react. The thought of Gideon knowing everything's thought since she was 28 is more than a little bit unnerving. She tries to put this out of her mind, her face set.

“Is there a reason why I'm still in here, if your ship has decided I'm safe?”

The guilty look doesn't leave Sara’s face. “Gideon hasn't actually… ever gone that deep into someone’s mind. I think she was worried you might wake up violent.”

Ava quirks an eyebrow. “And you thought it would be a good idea to wait here for me to wake up because?”

“Someone would've had to be there to restrain you.”

There is something on Sara’s face close to a smirk.

The Ava of yesterday, or however long it's been since her world fell apart, might have had something to say about this, but she just nods, exhausted, then follows Sara out of the now open door.

When they're out of the cell, Sara turns. The almost smile has left her face. She seems hesitant again.

“If you still want to stay, you can have Jax’s old room.”

“I have quite literally nowhere else to go, Sara,” Ava says, and knowing what she does now, it has to be true. She can't go back.

“Right.” Sara pauses. Then, when she speaks again, her voice is low. “I'm sorry. For all that,” she says, gesturing back into the cell.

“Don't be,” Ava says, her voice short. “I would've done the same thing.”

She wouldn't have, though. She would've shot first and asked questions later, if she'd been faced with the same sort of danger that Sara had been.

Sara shrugs. “Still. I'm sorry.”

The apology doesn't feel good. It just makes Ava feel more exhausted and broken than she already does.

Ava pinches the bridge of her nose. “It's fine, Sara. I've had worse. Just forget it.”

Sara blinks, her eyes wandering over Ava’s face. She moves to walk away, then turns. “You coming?”

“Where?”

“Team meeting.”

“I'm not part of your ridiculous team.” The insult slips out without her even thinking about it, but Sara doesn't seem to mind, a rueful smile appearing on her face.

“Everything's changed now, Ava.”

And that, no matter how much Ava still wants to deny it, is true.

The team still seems wary of her. She doesn't blame them. It gets even more understandable when it becomes clear that Gideon only told Sara what she found.

And apparently Sara went straight to Ava, without telling anyone that she was in the clear first.

Which Ava appreciates, but she also wishes Sara had taken a second to tell the rest of the team that she's not, in fact, the enemy.

Even once Sara explains, nobody seems convinced.

Mick Rory eyes her suspiciously, his hands far too close to his weapon for Ava’s liking. “And we're trusting her exactly why?” He growls, his expression angry.

Sara sighs. “Because Gideon says so, Mick. She was just as blindsided by this as we were.”

“So she's an idiot,” he replies, and Ava is inclined to agree with him. She'd always prided herself on being the one with the answers, the one who could read a room and figure everyone out in a second.

But Sara’s voice is hard when she tells him to shut up.

Ava almost smiles, despite herself.

Leo Snart, the legend who’s not really a legend, is looking at her with something like curiosity. She doesn't like it.

Ray Palmer still looks terrified, but Ava thinks he's probably just reverted back to his original feelings about her, and Ava's fine with that. She doesn't need friends - just a place where she doesn't have to worry about being killed in her sleep.

The rest of them are quiet, subdued, but as the meeting progresses, they seem to relax. Ava knows she should be contributing, or at least even listening to what people are saying, but she still feels numb.

She zones out, her gaze roaming around the room, not really looking at anything or anyone in particular. Her hands are clasped behind her back, the familiarity of the feeling keeping her grounded.

She hardly even notices when Sara ends the meeting, only snapping to it when people start dispersing.

She feels a hand on her arm, and turns to see Sara. She instinctively shrugs the hand away, and sees a brief flicker of hurt across Sara’s face.

Ava doesn't have time to think about what this means, because all of a sudden the Waverider shudders, a quake rocking through the ship. Sparks fly from various instruments, lights blinking on and off.

Ava stumbles, and Sara’s hand shoots out.

For the second time in less than 15 seconds, Sara’s fingers are on Ava’s arm, and she closes her eyes, because her mind immediately clouds, thoughts paralysing her.

Thoughts that have no place being there right now.

A second later, Sara’s hand is gone. “Gideon?” she calls out, the pitch of her voice rising. “What caused that?”

Gideons voice echoes through the bridge. “You’re not going to like this, Captain.”

Sara swears, her face contorting. “I don’t care, Gideon. What is it?”

“Agent Sharpe.”

All it takes is two words, projected through the speakers of the Waverider, to shatter any feeling of security Ava might have built up.

It feels like the universe is playing games with her.

The look on Sara’s face is almost too much to bear.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Sara’s hands are braced against the table, her knuckles white. Every part of her body is suddenly tightly wound, and she looks dangerous.

Ava just stands, silent. She doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t say anything. Her hands stay where they are, clasped behind her back, and her nails dig into the skin of her palm. She knows she isn’t going to like what she hears next, but she knows she has to hear it.

“It would appear that Agent Sharpe is supposed to be dead,” Gideon says, her voice surely no louder than it usually is, but to Ava, it sounds deafening . The words ring in Ava’s ears.

But it’s hardly even a shock. Everything that has happened since the text has felt like a dream. She’s not surprised that she’s defying the universe simply by being alive.

A police report for a homicide flashes up in front of their eyes, dated a day after Ava left, then another, then another, each one showing another dead body. Gideon isn’t showing their names, but she doesn’t have to, because Ava recognises them all. They're her colleagues. They’re all people she worked with, and they're all dead.

The rate at which Gideon is showing the photos gets faster, faces flashing by, hundreds of faces, until she finally slows, settling on one final police report.

Sara doesn’t show any signs of recognition when Gideon projects a photo of a ransacked room, bloodstains on the sheets of the bed, but Ava’s stomach drops.

It’s her bedroom, back home. And this is a police report about her.

The projection changes once more, and then a photo of her own dead body is staring down at her, a bullet wound in her chest.

And then Sara shuts it off, her eyes wild. The room is suddenly dim.

There is silence for a second. The moment seems to drag on for hours, millenniums passing between one heartbeat and the next.

Ava takes a deep breath. “You need to take me back.”

Sara’s mouth falls open. “What?”

“You need to take me back. If I’m supposed to die, then I’m supposed to die.” The words taste bitter in her mouth, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know they’re not right.

“Out of the question,” Sara says, her arms folding across her chest, her gaze intense.

Ava is shocked at the finality in Sara’s voice. So shocked, that, for a second, she forgets to say anything in response.

When she does manage to force words out, she is surprised at how steady she sounds. “It’s not. This goes against every rule of time. You can’t just keep people alive because you feel like it.”

Sara takes a deep breath. “Ava. There are no rules anymore. The Time Bureau was a front.”

“God, Sara, that doesn't change anything!” Ava says, her tone angrier than she’d meant. Sara’s expression changes, as if she’s forgotten what it was like to have Ava pissed at her. Ava grits her teeth, trying to modulate her tone, trying to get Sara to listen. “Rules still apply, even if there's no-one there to enforce them. If you keep me here, then these time quakes will keep getting worse. I’m going to destroy your ship.”

“It’s a good thing I’ve never cared about following rules, then,” Sara says, her eyes blazing, her jaw set. She stares at Ava, her gaze unwavering, and, god, even as angry as she is, it would be so easy to give in.

She wants to do more than give in. She wants to give up, wants to escape all this, go back to a life that makes sense, but she can’t do that, knows she can’t, knows she has a duty and that Sara won’t let her go, and that telling the truth won’t help her, so she just nods, agrees, and then, as she goes back to her room, hopes there’s someone out there who can forgive her for lying.

She wonders what dying will feel like.

She wonders what Sara’s lips on hers would’ve felt like.

And then she waits until everyone is asleep, finds the time courier, and opens a portal back to her apartment.  
  
Except the courier doesn’t do anything.The right lights blink, but no portal materialises, and then Sara appears, storming into the room, and she looks angrier than Ava’s ever seen her.

She reaches Ava in a few long strides, and snatches the courier from her hands.

“Gideon told me you’d still try to leave, and I didn’t want to believe her. It’s a good thing my ship is about as stubborn as you. Persuaded me to let her put up some blocks.”

Ava tries not to let the distress on Sara’s face get to her. “It was the right thing to do.”

“No, it wasn’t. Screw the right thing, Ava.” She pauses, her gaze locked on Ava in a way that makes it hard to look away. “If you'd stopped and thought, for even a second, you would've realised that you don't get time quakes because you stopped one person from dying. It's got to be something bigger than that.” She sighs. “I've got no idea what Rip’s motives were, but he got you out for a reason.”

“Maybe because he's working with Mallus and wanted to destabilise time even more.”

“Maybe. But we don't know that. And I'm not letting you throw this away on a whim.”

If Ava wasn’t so sure that this thing was going to end with her dead some way or another, she would have kissed Sara right there. But she is sure, sure that her thread is close to ending in one way or another, so she stays where she is, tantalising inches away, as Sara stares at her.

Sara trails her back to her room. Ava closes the door on her, sure that if she looks at her for a second longer she won’t be able to stop herself from pulling her in, and keeping her there forever.

She leans up against the door, her heart beating fast. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them, she’s not on the Waverider anymore. She doesn’t appear to be anywhere, really. All she can see is darkness.

And then Rip is standing in front of her, one second not there, the next second there.

At this point, she’s not even surprised.

When he starts talking, his voice is urgent.

“I don’t have long. I’m not sure how long I can keep you here, Agent. But I’m afraid to say that you’re my only hope.”

Ava stares him down. “Why should I believe anything you say?”

“Because I risked time to save your life.”

Ava tips her head in acknowledgment, then frowns. “You also let me die, surely, if I'm supposed to be dead.”

“Yes, but-”

“Then why should I trust you?”

“Because we need to stop Mallus. And I can't do it. I’m too close. And if you don’t stop him, he’s going to destroy....” He pauses, then shrugs. “Pretty much everything. That’s the future awaiting us in the original timeline. Killing all the Bureau Agents was some sort of ritual. I’m awfully sorry about it all, Agent, but I had to let you die the first time, otherwise he would've suspected that I was working against him. As it is, he'll know something is wrong as soon as I get back. The timeline is solidifying, with you alive in it.”

Ava sighs. She only half believes him, but then, what has she got to lose? “What am I supposed to do?”

Rip hands her something - a box. It's small and unassuming, small enough to fit into her palm.

“Give this to Gideon. She’ll know what to do.”

“What is it?”

“A weapon. A bomb, if you like. It should fix everything.”

She looks down at the box in her hands. It doesn't look like it could fix anything, let alone everything. 

“Why me?” Ava asks. 

“I needed to save someone the Legends would trust. Someone they'd trust enough to give them access to Gideon.” He pauses. “Someone Sara would trust.”

Ava's stomach turns. She doesn't know how that became her, how they got from hands up, guns pointed at eachother to trust. Her hands grip the box tight.

Then Rip looks around, his eyes widening, as if he can see something she can't, and all of a sudden he is gone, and Ava is alone.

In the dark, with no idea where she is.

Then she blinks, and she is back in her room. Maybe she never left.

The only confirmation that anything happened at all is the box still clutched between her fingers, its sharp edges some kind of reality check.

Sara is standing in front of her, her expression aghast.

“Where the hell were you? I was just minding my own business, thinking you were safely in here, and then Gideon tells me you're not on the ship anymore, which should've been impossible because the ship is blocked and you know that, so I break into your room and you're not here. And then, suddenly you are again.” Sara lets out a gasp of breath, all of this having flown out in a rush, one angry word after another.

Except it's not really anger, it's worry. That much is painfully obvious.

“I don't know where I was,” Ava says, exhausted, slumping down on the bed. “I saw Rip. He gave me this. Told me to give it to Gideon.”

She hands it to Sara.

Sara takes it from her, her eyes narrowing. “What is it?”

Ava sighs, looking up at Sara. “I don't know. Some sort of weapon. To fight Mallus. Rip wasn't exactly forthcoming. He seemed to think Gideon would know what to do with it.”

Sara nods, as if this isn't all utterly ridiculous, and leaves the room, turning the box between her fingers.

Ava falls back against the pillows on the bed that is not hers but is, and this time sleep finds her easily.

Of course, in her dreams, Sara is there, pliable under her hands, her expression no longer one of sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have read this chapter about five million times and have ricocheted between loving and hating it as many times, so I had to post it before I went crazy. The handwavey plot disclaimer still applies okay love y'all  
> PS: i never know what the etiquette is on replying to comments etc so just know that i read and really greatly appreciate each and every one of your comments!! they're what make me wanna post more!


	3. Chapter 3

Ava is awoken by another time quake, this one more violent than the first one. She's out of bed in a second, finding her way to the bridge.

The other legends are appearing, their expressions sleepy from doors that Ava hadn't even noticed.

Ava finds Sara staring at Gideon, her face stern.

Then Sara notices her come in, and something crosses her face, too small and fleeting for Ava to process it. The rest of the Legends aren't far behind. Sara's face reverts, the facade of Captain descending, any softness that may or may not have been present hidden by the harsh mask that she uses.

“That's the second quake in less than a day.” Ava turns to see Amaya speaking. “Do you think maybe now it's time to tell us what's causing them?”

Ava spins back to face Sara, her eyes wide, her expression hard. She shouldn't be surprised that Sara hasn't told the rest of the team, but she is.

Sara's eyes meet hers. There is the slightest shake of the head, and then she's speaking. “That's on a need to know basis,” she says, “and none of you-”

“It's me,” Ava says, interrupting Sara, and ignoring her glares.

There are sounds of indignation from around the room. Six voices start talking at once until a shout from Sara calms them down.

“Thank you for that, Agent Sharpe.” Sara's voice is pointed, her words like knives. The use of a title that is hardly even hers anymore shocks Ava more than she would've thought it would.

“So it's true?” Zari asks, the woman from the future that Ava doesn't have a grip on yet, who she hasn't studied like she has the rest of Legends. “She's causing them?”

Sara sighs. “Yes. Av-” She stops. “Agent Sharpe happens to be supposed to be dead. But that's beside the point.”

“Uh, I don't think that's beside the point,” Heywood says. “I'm not sure the ship can take many more of those quakes. The power in my room is out.”

“And mine,” Palmer adds. He opens his mouth to say more, and a look from Sara shuts him up.

Leo Snart, however, seems impervious to Sara’s glares. “I, for one, don't fancy waking up floating in the middle of the temporal because Little Miss Time Bureau broke our ship in half.”

The Ava of a week ago would've said something. The Ava of now just stands, hands clasped, jaw clenched, wishing she didn't agree.

“Can't we just drop her off somewhere?” Rory asks. He considers. “Somewhere safe,” he adds as an afterthought.

“It's out of the question,” Sara says, and there is something in her voice that signals finality.

Sara doesn't look at Ava. Ava wishes she would.

It's all too much. The silence in the room is deafening. She can feel everyone’s eyes on her. Her gaze falls to the floor. She doesn't know what to do in this sort of situation. The tables have turned. She used to be the one with authority. At the very least, she had answers.

Behind her back, her hands twist. The room is still silent, and then Gideon speaks.

“Captain. I have good news and bad news.” Her voice rings in Ava’s ears. Sara doesn’t say anything, simply motions, and Gideon continues. “The good news is that I was able to complete Rip’s weapon. He left some old Time Master technology on the ship while the ship was under the care of the Time Bureau. If used properly, we might have a chance of stopping Mallus.”

The words left unsaid hang in the air.

“What’s the bad news, Gideon?”

“The bad news, Captain, is that we no longer have control of the ship. The time quakes have damaged a number of vital parts of the navigation system, and I’m afraid I used up the last engine power reserves fabricating Rip’s weapon.”

“So we’re just floating through time?” Sara asks, her voice strained. Murmurs float around the bridge. Ava finds herself moving closer to Sara. Sara’s head turns, ever so slightly, her body shifting imperceptibly.

“Not quite, I’m afraid.”

“Gideon?”

“It would appear that an outside force is controlling the ship. We are being reeled in, in a way.”

“By Mallus?” Sara asks the question on everyone’s lips.

“There’s no way of knowing, Captain. But I would assume so.”

This revelation rocks around the room. Snart breaks the silence. “Exactly how I wanted to die. Like a fish on a line.”

“No-one’s dying,” Sara says, her voice determined. “Gideon. How likely is it that Rip’s weapon will work?”

“There’s no way of knowing. I am unable to open the box. It appears to be tied in to Mallus’s very being. It can only be activated in his presence.”

Sara sighs, her face exasperated. “How long do we have?”

“I can’t tell you that, either, Captain. There’s no way for me to work out where we’re going. It could be days, or it could be hours.”

“So we just have to wait?” Sara’s face is incredulous. The idea of there being nothing she can do seems abhorrent to Sara.

“It would seem so, Captain.”

They disperse after that. Ava follows Sara to the fabrication room. The box is sitting there, looking much the same as it had when Rip had given it to her - like nothing much. Sara picks it up, spinning it through her fingers, her eyes narrowing. If it has any secrets to tell, it’s not giving them to Sara. Ava can’t take her eyes off Sara, can’t think of anything but stopping those fingers with her own. She blinks. Sara is saying something.

“I suppose we should rest while we can.”

Sara replaces the box, then moves past her, and they almost touch. Ava’s breath hitches, and she feels frozen. Sara pauses at the entranceway, turning back to Ava, her face soft, and it feels like some sort of deja vu.

“You should sleep.”

Ava dismisses this with a wave. “Maybe after we don’t die.”

After Sara leaves, Ava finds herself in their training room. She knows that Mallus will not be defeated with a punch, but it feels good. The sound of her fists on leather is satisfying. The ache in her muscles is a reminder that she's still there, that this isn't some horrible dream. It's not quite comforting, but it's something. She gets lost in the rhythm, so lost that she almost doesn’t hear Gideon.

She listens, her heart sinking further and further as she does, and when Gideon is done, she nods, once, the movement curt. Gideon is silent.

She's still going when the Waverider perceptibly slows, a jolt running through the ship. Ava takes a deep breath, and throws one last punch. The noise rings in her ear. She picks up the box on her way to the bridge, pocketing it.

A little while later, the Waverider shudders to a halt. Through the windows, Ava can see what looks like a beach. Waves crash soundlessly. The sky is grey.

“Gideon?” Sara calls out. “When are we?”

Gideon’s voice, when she speaks, is slow, and audibly distorted. “I’m awfully sorry, Captain, but I don’t know.”

And then she is silent. The lights in the bridge blink out, the quiet whirring of machinery stops. The Waverider has finally run out of power. The Legends look around, and, despite their guards being up, Ava can see what the loss of the ship is doing to them. It is written clearly across their faces. Nobody moves for a second, and then Sara is off, her stride purposeful.

The rest of them follow. Ava falls into step with Sara. Sara turns to her. Her expression is no longer unreadable - there is something there that Ava is almost certain is longing. The second they leave the Waverider, Ava can feel something in the back of her mind. Sara visibly recoils, her hand going to her head. The rest of the Legends are reacting similarly, confusion clouding their already apprehensive faces.

Ava knows what it is, and she knows that until the voice is all she can hear, that the weapon won't work. Gideon had told her that, among other things, in the training room when everyone else was asleep, her voice as urgent as an AI’s voice can be.

And then something moves on the horizon. A small dark mark appears in the shape of a person. It's too far away to see who - or what - it is, but the sentiment is obvious: come to me.

The walk is long. Wind blows, and Ava still has no idea where they are. The sea roars, the sound loud in her ears.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she sees Sara's gaze flick briefly to her. She looks down, in time to see Sara’s hands flex and curl into a fist. She wants to turn back and run away. This wasn't what she had signed up for, none of it is.

She doesn't obviously. She keeps walking.

As they walk further, it is clear who is waiting for them. Rip stands alone, his head bowed, looking exactly like the last time Ava had seen him. And then he looks up, and his eyes are black and the chorus in her mind gets louder, creeping into her thoughts, black tendrils taking hold.

Sara looks at her. “So when Gideon gave you your super secret mission, did she tell you what the box does?”

Ava tries not to look surprised.

“It's my ship. There aren't any secrets,” Sara says. Somehow playfulness fights through the terror Ava sees in her eyes.

Rip doesn't seem to be getting closer. They keep walking.

Ava sighs. “All you need to know is that you can't be near me when I use it.”

“Why?”

“Because there's a slight risk it’s deadly. The weapon is unstable. If it doesn't work, then it… self destructs rather magnificently, according to Gideon.” Ava says this as matter of factly as she can.

Sara hardly reacts, her face stoic. “Do you have a death wish, Ava?”

“No. It just can't be you. He's already been in your head too much. It won't work for you. Rip had to make sure he couldn't get near it - that nobody he'd had access to could use it.”

“And if it doesn't kill you?” Sara's words are casual, as if they were discussing anything else.

“It pulls him out of time. Gets rid of him completely. Like he never existed.”

Ava can see the wheels turning in Sara’s mind.

“If he’ll never have existed, then neither will the Time Bureau.”

“Correct.”

“So we forget?”

“Presumably.”

Sara is silent.

Nothing else needs to be said, not really.

It's not closure, not really. But it's something, and Ava will remember that when everyone else has forgotten her.

(Because that's the catch. If she survives, then she’ll remember, remember everything when everyone else forgets. It's a catch that doesn't make sense, a catch that seems to be there to mess with her. And that's why it can only be her, why, even if Sara could've done it, she wouldn't have let her.)

They keep walking, and then all of a sudden, Rip, who is not Rip, but Mallus, his eyes so horrible it hurts to look, is right in front of them.

He shoots his hand out, and Ava hears a series of thuds behind her. She doesn't have to turn around to know what has happened. The Legends are dead. She hadn't expected it to happen that quickly. Gideon had foreseen something like this, but it's too much. Beside her, Sara lets out a soft gasp.

Mallus smiles.

When he talks, it is out loud, but his other voice still echoes in their heads. Ava knows that, at some point it will be too loud to ignore and then, at that moment, it’ll be time.

“So nice of you to join us.”

“I'm not entirely sure we had a choice, Sara says, malice dripping from her mouth, anger taking over for grief. “And, unless I'm very much mistaken, there's only one of you.”

And two of us, Ava thinks, although it's not much of a fair match.

“Me, and your friend here,” Mallus says, gesturing down at the body he has stolen. “The traitorous type? Thought he could betray me? I'm giving him a front row seat for the main attraction - when I kill both of you, very, very slowly.”

Sara's eyes close, and she takes a deep breath. “How likely is it that the weapon works?” she asks, so quietly that it's hardly more than a breath.

“Gideon wasn't sure.”

Sara nods, imperceptibly, and then Mallus is right in front of them, less than a metre even.

He doesn't do anything to them, not yet. Rip must have known this, must have known that Mallus would want to make him watch, would hesitate just long enough. His presence in Ava’s mind has got to a breaking point. Every bad thought she has ever had floats to the forefront of her mind.

She manages to pull the box out of her pocket, and, just like Gideon said, this close to Mallus, it flips open.

“Go,” she mouthes to Sara. Sara turns away.

Mallus raises his hands. It feels like everything is moving in slow motion. Maybe it is. It's now or never.

And then Sara turns back, a rueful smile on her face. Her hands find Ava’s neck, her lips pushing an apology into Ava’s mouth. Her body is pressed against Ava’s, and her mouth is urgent. Her lips move in a way that makes the small part of her mind that she still has control of melt.

Ava's eyes close at the same time that the blackness envelops her mind. She pushes down on the tiny thing in her hand, this weapon that she realises now she only half believed in. The box falls out of her hands. She doesn't hear it hit the ground.

At some level, she is aware of where she is, but Mallus is taking up every part of her mind - and then a ripple travels through her, like the universe is shifting - and all of a sudden he is gone. If she had opened her eyes, she would've seen the wave spreading out, a circle with a centre of her and Sara, traversing sea and sky and space. But she doesn't. Her hands are her own again, and she is still kissing Sara, Sara is still kissing her, and she doesn't want to let go, doesn't want this to be over, doesn't want time to shift.

The wave comes back, shining over the sea, this time so blazing white that Ava can see it through closed eyelids. It returns with a jolt that Ava feels through her whole body, like someone has just walked through her, and then there is silence.

And she's alive.

Sara's hands are still on her neck. Sara's fingers move against Ava’s skin. They break apart, mouths pulling in air, foreheads close, and then Ava hears a voice.

“Oh, good. We survived,” Rip says, his eyes back to their normal shade, brushing sand off his coat. “I was certain that was going to kill us all.”

Ava starts, processing his words. “Us all?” she asks, incredulous. “You said it would only be me.”

Sara's face is still so close that Ava can hardly think.

“Well. If I told you you'd be risking everyone’s lives, I didn't think you’d go along with it.”

His eyes trail down, to where Sara’s hand rests on Ava’s arm.

She opens her mouth, then closes it again, because she’s only just realising what that hand must mean, what Sara’s continuing grip means - only just realises that Sara's arm should've fallen from hers as she found herself embracing a woman she didn't know.

Ava eyes find Sara’s, and everything is as it was before. Sara smiles. “No memory loss. Still alive.”

“You could've said that thirty seconds ago,” Ava says, her voice hitching.

“Yeah,” Sara says, her expression gentle. Her hand reaches up, fingers finding a piece of Ava’s hair that had fallen out of place. “But we've got all the time in the world.”

It's too much to bear.

Ava’s hands find Sara’s waist, pulling her back towards her, hardly able to stop herself.

The second time is better than the first time. This time, there is no dark cloud in her mind, nothing stopping her from feeling Sara under her hands. There's also no imminent risk of death.

Sara's mouth on hers makes her forget that Rip is metres away. Her hands move upwards, finding the back of Sara’s head, tangling in the hair there.

She pulls away, just an inch, still so close that they are breathing the same air. "I told you to go," she says, momentarily angry.

Sara smiles a sad smile. "If it didn't work I was going to die anyway. Or worse." Her voice trails off. Ava knows what she's thinking, and it hurts to think of Mallus inside her head. "If I was going to forget, I was going out with a bang."

Ava almost laughs. From behind her, Ava hears stirs. The Legends are back. Time has been reset.

They break apart, Sara's expression reluctant, almost petulant. It's ridiculous and Ava wants to kiss it away. But she doesn't, because the team is getting to their feet, their expressions dazed.

When their eyes find Ava, see the way Sara is leaning into her, their faces get even more confused.

Rip speaks from behind them. “I'm afraid the Legends won't have been protected from the effects of the reset. It seems Sara was only shielded by virtue of her… proximity.”

He pauses before the last word. Beside her, Sara smirks. Ava rolls her eyes.

“So you're saying they won't remember Mallus? Or the Time Bureau?” Sara asks, a grin on her face that shouldn't be there, not while finding out that her teammates all have memory loss.

Although, in all fairness, it might be good for Ava. She can make a good first impression, get them to trust her this time around, introduce herself on her own terms.

Of course, Sara has other ideas.

She steps forward, pulling Ava with her. “All right, team! This is Ava. She just saved all of your lives, she's going to be joining the team, and she's kinda obsessed with me.”

Ava has to stop herself from laughing. As if Sara, who laughs when the universe tells her to die, was going to do this on anything but her own terms.

Ava's okay with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> et voila. 8k might not seem like much, but it's the longest fic i've written in YEARS. i also wrote the entire first draft during my first year university exams, but shhhhh. 
> 
> once again, thank you for the comments! see you on the other side (and by that i mean the next fic i write for these girls they're not going anywhere and neither am i) ((although the rate of posting is probably going to slow down SIGNIFICANTLY bc uni is starting back up again and so i will have approx zero hours in the day again the entire time i've been posting for this ship i've either been on christmas holiday or in the exam period))


End file.
